Seriously. The Annual Sunday Morning Moustache Ride Roubaix Edition was this past Sunday (because Paris-Roubaix was) and my forearms and shoulders are fairly beat up. The longest stretch of cobbles was .9mi and my hands were killing me, my ass was hammered (phrasing) and 2 water bottles were lost (not mine), one because an alloy cage broke from being rattled to death. .9mi.
If I'm honest, this years ride was much nicer than last years. Sure, I thought I was going to die after the first climb but I will take an R5 over an Allez any day of the week over that bumpy shit. If you don't remember, last year all 4 of my bottle cage bolts were almost shook completely off my Allez (now Josh's Allez, which he rode on the ride. Side note, to everyone but Josh in the shop, it's still called "Nick's Allez"). The R5 took out a lot of the harshness, but there is only so much a frame can do. Cobbles are just punishing.
You know what else is punishing? Being out of shape. I am fine on the flats. I'm actually riding at a higher average speed on the flats than I was before I hurt myself. The second the road turns up, I drop back. It's my legs. And my lungs, but mostly the legs that keep me from having the pace I did 3 months ago. The first hill is the worst and when the first hill is Port Royal it's really bad. The only reason I didn't make it up last on that hill is because the guy in his mid 60's behind me started after me and fell over. Everyone else had me by at least 2 minutes. You read that right.
I did manage to pass 2 people on Bells Mill, but they weigh 50 and 100lbs more than me. I also caught Jude on the same hill, but that was after he charged passed me and a whole bunch of other people and then just dropped his pace to let everyone else catch up. Whatever, I caught him.
No matter your fitness, The Wall always sucks. I did manage to finish mid-pack on that bastard, but I was cranking along at 5mph at one point and Jude just rode away from me. I was going the same speed as a guy on the side walk who insisted on trying to have a conversation with me. I've never wanted to hit a stranger more.
After we got back to Conshy and I was spent, I thought it would be a good idea to ride with Josh, Jude and Matt back to the shop for some extra miles. It took them less than 5 minutes to spit me off the back. They were so surprised by how quickly I was gone that they didn't notice for 2mi. They were nice enough to slow it down for me and drag me to the shop. I want my legs back.
My new game plan is all out destruction. I had been trying to work the hard hills in easily but it just isn't yielding any real results. Over the next 4 weeks I'm going to make a trip out to Valley Forge and slowly reintroduce myself to The Death Loop, adding one mother fucker of a hill each week. This week will be Jug Hollow, also know to long time readers as the original "mother fucker hill." Should be fun... or whatever the opposite of fun is.
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